KIDNAPPED
by NoBuddy
Summary: Humorous ficlet. Any kind of celebration that ever involves the three one-winged-angels - and poor Vincent too - will be a merry jumble, regardless of the huge pile of initial nice intentions. No exception with this one here! Gaha!


**Alright people, for any of you who don't know who Linneth is, go read Glaurung's ****oneshot called „Guardian Angel" to be found here on ffnet too (you're gonna like it, I know for a fact), in which Linneth was Seph's guardian angel and Iarba was Genesis', gahaha!! And if you wonder how Linneth looks like, then go to my devart gallery and you'll find a drawing I made called „Seph in the Interstice" with her and Iarba in that very loggia mentioned here, together with Seph; link to my dA page –in my profile. And the whole rant is also inspired from my „FF7 Zoo in my loggia" drawing posted on devart, so everything happens here on Earth, during a well-deserved recess for our one-winged boys. ****There! All should be clear now. /rubs hands/. Back to the story then...**

**Disclaimer: Uh, ****just to get it over with: The FF7 and HP stuff belong to their lawful owners, i.e. Squeenix and Madam Rosmerta... err... Rowling, while I own zippitty-zip, like always. No, wait! Iarba's MINE! /throws fierce looks with bulging eyes, like Mr.Bean/**

**K I D N A P P E D**

A faint rustle in the leaves that covered the garden like a carpet. A stifled sound of something bumping into a tree that leant its rich crown over the flower patch, then something resembling a muffled „ouch!". Moon emerged from a thin cloud at that very moment and its rays fell on a short silhouette seemingly rubbing its injured knee. Then the silhouette hastily melt back into the shadows.

„So much for stealth when we got Tonberry with us." a mocking whisper could be heard.

„Oh shut your mouth up, Jinx! It's easy for you to talk, I don't have a mako sight like you guys do." the answer came in another angry whisper.

A startled owl took off from a branch, majestically flapping its wings with an indignant cry.

„There, now she scares even the birds! Soon the whole darn neighbourhood will know we're here."

Whoever got said mako sight could easily see another very tall figure with an overlong mane, faintly glistening like fugitive moonrays, leaning towards another sturdy one with hair a dark mass and eagle-like eyes and mumbling sullenly:

„Somebody please remind me why I let myself be dragged into this madness, when I could very well stay at home and sleep my latest Gen-induced headache off my head?"

The raven-haired, eagle-eyed one leaned too and whispered back in a casual manner:

„Um... maybe because Lyn is your friend too and you care about her very much?"

The silver-haired one straightened back to his full regal height and nodded:

„Right. For Linneth."

The five silhouettes kept sneaking through the dark bushy garden. Moon was eerily shining over them. Flowers stood still in the night air. Birds were peacefully sleeping hidden between the trees' leaves, dreaming of the soon-to-be-gone summer. At that late – or maybe too early – hour, the silence was almost overwhelming, like in a cathedral. Nothing seemed to be able to ever break it again...

„MEOWWWWW!!"

The shrieking, desperate cry tore at the night's veil, making the whole population creeping through the garden jump a few inches up in the air.

A small terrified thing dashed between their legs, making a guy with a dark red cape and a similarly colored bandana trip over it and fall on all four. A low growl followed shortly.

„Rats!! And the asshole had the nerve to talk about stealth!! At least I didn't step on a wretched cat's tail, even if I don't have a mako sight!" Iarba seethed.

The culprit rolled his eyes and smacked his face in exasperation.

„Will you shut UP already, Tonberry?!"

„What!" she snarled back at him. „You think there's someone still sleeping now, on a range of miles?! Might as well just knock at her door, Jinx, cos I don't think it matters anymore."

„STOP CALLING ME JINX!!"

„Why? You ARE a jinx."

„Grrrr!!"

„SSSHHHHH!" a sharp shush resounded.

All the others shut up instantly and turned to Angeal, watching him questioningly. He maintained his finger raised in the air, listening, then exhaled in relief.

„Let's not make it worse," he whispered. „Noone seems to be up, amazingly. We should keep it this way, ok?"

The two hot-tempered individuals, namely Iarba and Genesis, rolled their eyes and shrugged, but did not comment anymore.

Soon they were right beside the wall, again one with the shadows cast by another tree. A row of rather small balconies protruded from the building above them.

Genesis looked up.

„Drat! What are these, balconies or peanut shells?! How are supposed to fit in there, all of us?" then just sighed in exasperation. „Alright, which one is it?"

Iarba pointed at a particular one from which vines of ivy and other wild flowers were hanging over the edge.

„That one."

„Well then, up we go!"

„How exactly? Tree's not close enough and you made me wear the sandals again, so I can't climb it anyway.", Sephiroth grumbled.

Genesis rolled his eyes.

„Well who the heck said anything about climbing trees, wisemug? We fly our way up there, of course! Geez!!"

„Oh. That so. Wait, what about Vincent?"

„What about him?"

„He can't fly."

„Oh really!"

„Yes, really. Unless he turns into Chaos and I don't think we want that right now, do we?

Genesis opened his mouth to say something, but Vincent's cape swooshed about him as the red-eyed taciturn ran up the wall as if he was still on the sidewalk, then stepped on the edge of the balcony at the first storey and, gaining momentum, just jumped his way from one balcony to another until he reached the targeted one and leapt inside, throwing an expectant look at them over the rail. He had been so fast that he didn't even disturb the flowers hanging from it.

Iarba and Genesis looked up at him wordlessly, then eventually Iarba added:

„That should serve us well, Jinx. We talk here until the cows come home and in the meantime he just does it without all the chatter."

„Yeah. Don't we love him when he's this talkative?!" Genesis flashed his grin, shrugging.

„Well then, where were we? Oh, ok, up with us – NOW!"

What was left of the squad took off and swooshed through the air.

„All this fuss," Iarba mused with a lopsided, devious smile, „and to think I've just remembered that Lyn doesn't even eat fruits whatsoever, she's allergic to all of them..."

Genesis twisted towards her at lightning speed, the package he was carrying being violently flung over his shoulder. An involuntary cry of distress could be heard somewhere near as Sephiroth darted to catch it.

„WHAT??" Genesis shrieked in pure, unleashed rage, grabbing Iarba's collar. „What did you just say?!"

Iarba's devilish grin grew even wider.

„Just kidding, Jinx! Just kidding. Hold your fire."

Genesis stared at her for a moment in disbelief, then growled menacingly, releasing her:

„You'd better!!"

A moment later they mounted the rail of Linneth's balcony, noting with relief that the door leading inside had been left ajar.

„I don't get it why on Gaia she would want to live here at least for a day when she could very well stay in the Interstice all the time?" a slightly calmed Genesis wondered.

„Hm", Iarba rubbed her chin, „maybe for a similar reason to mine by any chance? So that you guys would have a decent, stable place to stay when you come to Earth?"

„Huh? You call that hole of yours ‚decent'?!" Genesis mocked, earning himself a knee that slightly missed his crotch.

„Knock it off you two!" Angeal demanded. „We're going in."

„Whoo boy, no way Jose!" **I** am going in!" Iarba said, pushing them aside to get to the door.

„Wait a minute! Why you??" Genesis inquired.

„Well, why do you think, you twit? It's a hot weather out there, the girl might be – ahem! – kinda exposed, so to say."

„All the more!", Genesis grinned, winning this time a smack on the head from Angeal together with a low threatening growl from Sephiroth.

„You just try not to flood us with drool you pervert, okay? Iarba, go in!"

Iarba tiptoed inside the house. The balcony responded of course to the living room and, after a few moments of adjusting her vision to the darker environment, from there she oriented herself and easily found the bedroom. She sneaked inside without a sound and looked around. The bed was empty and for an instant her heart skipped a beat, then she saw a small silhouette dressed in a light gown, lying in a rocking chair by the window. Linneth had obviously fallen asleep there, a book still in her lap. She had probably read until the daylight started to fade.

Iarba stealthily tiptoed her way outside the room and went back to the balcony.

„It's ok," she whispered, „we can take her. Only make sure to cast some sleeping spell of yours on her, so she won't wake up on our way."

„Ookei-dokei!" Genesis grinned again, waving his thumb. „Lead the way, Tonberry!"

Iarba went back inside and he followed her closely before any of the others could react. They stayed outside in wait, already kinda crowded in the small balcony. After a few moments, Iarba showed up again, with Genesis right behind her.

Sephiroth's eyes practically popped out of his head and his jaw almost hit the mosaic floor as he gaped at the scene. Iarba caught his bewildered look and turned to Genesis with a frown.

„You asshole!!" she snarled, regarding Genesis, who had Linneth thrown over his shoulder, wrapped in a sheet. „What the heck do you think you're doing? Hauling bags of potatoes?! Seph, get Lyn from this crazy lunatic before she gets sick or something!"

Sephiroth passed the package he was still carrying to Vincent, then removed the light burden from Genesis' shoulder with infinite care, scooping her bridal style, while Genesis whined dejectedly:

„What's wrong with that?? We carried one another in the war like this all the time when we were wounded and it was just fine!"

„But she's no SOLDIER, you hare-brained maniac! Now buzz off!!", Iarba hissed.

Genesis shrugged and, snatching the package from Vincent, took off from the balcony. The others followed him shortly, Angeal adjusting his backpack's shoulder straps and launching himself the last. Vincent had turned now into Chaos and was somewhere ahead of them, like a red whirlwind.

They all darted through the night, Genesis smartly avoiding the occasional birds while at the same time was staring at the landscape below.

„Hey, what's that pointy thing?", he inquired.

Iarba checked out the view.

„That would be Gaudi's cathedral, Einstein!"

„Who's Einstein?"

„Oh, never mind."

„Is he some relative of that wiseguy from Cosmo Canyon, Buggenstein if I remember well?"

„I SAID NEVER MIND! ! !"

„Geeez!"

They flew for some time in relative silence, only accompanied by the swirling sound of wind at that high altitude where they were, until they crossed paths with another two silhouettes, fragments of conversation being carried to them:

„...on Hogwarts business...

„...that Potter guy, the minister said..."

„Holy-schmolly!!", Genesis shouted, totally forgetting to keep his voice down. „What was THAT?!"

Iarba sniggered helplessly, while the others were also staring at the two dots disappearing into the distance.

„As far as I can see, there were just two guys minding their own business.", she said.

„On BROOMS?!" Genesis shrieked. „What's the matter with you people on this planet? Is this some sort of mad fashion?? What's next, football riding broomsticks in the air?!"

Angeal chuckled:

„You'd be surprised, pal. They already do that, and it's called Quidditch. There's even a world tournament."

„Where the hell do you know that from?"

„I read in a book I found in Iarba's library." Angeal explained. „Only... I thought it was just fiction..." he ended a little unsure.

„Well," Iarba giggled, „I thought so too... until now, that is."

„Ooh-kay", Genesis growled, „let's reach that portal before I get to see some flying cars too or Ifrit only knows what other twisted thingies."

And he gained speed, still caviling at it:

„I swear to Goddess, Gaia's The Promised Land itself next to this friggin madhouse."

Iarba was just trying to catch up with him, when they saw Vincent, or more like him and Chaos altogether, drawing a circle in the distance. Behind him a thin blue line was traced into the sky and, when the circle was complete, the stars on that portion seemed to just leap instantly, rearranging themselves into another pattern.

They all flew through the circle and suddenly, as they passed, the view beneath them changed completely into what looked like a rather tall, thick forest, only interrupted at times by buildings that could be more guessed than actually seen through the trees' crowns.

„Oh boy! The Interstice. Home at last." Iarba sighed in bliss.

„You know", Genesis mused, „if this were a fiction, people would ask themselves what the heck this Interstice is."

„Well good thing it isn't," Iarba shrugged, „cos how can you explain them that it's a universe between universes, that surrounds and parallels all of them and where only those entities from any worlds that are capable of finding the entering points have access?"

„Alright you two talkative entities from any worlds," Angeal called, „down we go!"

A few minutes later, five night-shrouded silhouettes landed in a spacious loggia with a stone parapet draped in all kinds of climbing weeds and the young girl they had kidnapped from another world was tenderly laid on the bed placed in said loggia and covered with the sheet in which she had been wrapped up to avoid the night's coolness. Another sleep spell was cast on her just in case and then a mad rush began all over the place.

-x-x-x-x-x-

Linneth stirred a bit, drowsily trying to move her eyelids. For an instant she had had the strange impression that she caught the slightest sound of whispers somewhere near, but she was still between the realms of sleep and wakefulness, closer to the dreamland and it had only been only the remainder of a dream, most probably.

But then again, something felt different. She couldn't recall lying in her bed last night and still, she acknowledged the fact that she was now in a bed. Well, maybe she had been too sleepy to remember getting into it. Still, it didn't exactly feel like her own bed...

Dreaming?...

Her eyes snapped open and she regarded the night sky, partially obscured by vines hanging from somewhere above and tree branches idly moving on a light breeze. As the picture settled inside her and she travelled towards wakefulness, step by step, she recognized the world and the place. She was in her homeworld in the Interstice, at Iarba's.

She sat up and threw her feet over the bed's edge – and in that very moment the tree-like chandelier was switched on and its flower-bulbs erupted in all colors, turning the loggia into an enchanted realm. Then a whole bunch of excitedly giggling crazies dashed around her, shouting at the top of their lungs:

„SURPRISE PARTYYYY!! Happy special name day to you!"

Dazed, Linneth almost lost her balance, but a pair of strong, yet tender arms caught her while a curtain of silver hair fell over her head as its owner leaned to get a better hold of her delicate body.

„Happy name day, Lyn!" his deep, velvet voice chanted in her ear – and Linneth let her curly, reddish head rest on his shoulder with a blissful sigh.

Table was set right away, crystal glasses with sinuous patterns glistening in myriads of colors in the magic light and of course the biggest cake, baroquely adorned with plenty of whipped cream and fruits, just the way she liked it.

She sunk into the magic of the moment...

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

HAPPY ENDING OF THE STORY – trumpets, flutes, piano, romantic moonlight and whatever else you may wish... Ahem!...

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

NO WAIT! IT'S NOT OVER YET!!

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

„Wait a minute! **Wait-a-MINUTE**!!" Iarba demanded, bulging her eyes at the cake. „What did you do, Jinx, you twit? What did you put in the cake instead of apples? What's the meaning of THIS??"

Genesis sniggered.

„Heheh!! Wouldn't you like to know!"

Iarba grabbed him by the shirt.

„C'mon, spill it out! Starting... 3, 2 1, Now!"

Genesis' grin met his ears and went even further.

„Tonberry," he asked in an unctuous tone, „have you EVER had a Banora White in all your life?"

Iarba watched him with a puzzled look.

„Nope. But what's that to do with my question anyway?"

„Well, it definitely has." he smiled his sweetest smile at the stunned audience. „Cos you see, I finally discovered the Earth's perfect equivalent of the Banora Whites, our dumbapples that is. So ladybugs and gentlegerms – as whoever said it before me, let the credit be his! – I present you my special dumbapple-cake made with their perfect substitute to be found on Earth: P E A C H E S !!"

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

THIS TIME IT REALLY ENDS.

SO AGAIN: HAPPY ENDING – piano, flutes, moonlight, violins, cheesy stuff like that...

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Someone from the public:

„Hey! HEY!! That sucks! What happened with Linneth further on?"

Movie theater's owner:

„C'mon pal, shut that potato-trap of yours up! Whaddya ask that for?? She lived happily ever after, of course, what else? Geez!!"

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Ending theme begins, credits roll down the screen...

„... Hey, you there!..."

(struggle sounds, muffled protests, a few thuds)

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Ok, ok, got it, no need to throw rotten eggs, they stink ya know! I'm off... for now...

* * *

**A/N: ****This is yet another ficlet for the 100 non-yaoi drabbles with Genesis challenge, but of course it can be read by everyone, regardless of their sexual preferences, heh!**

**P.S.: Yes, yes, I know poor Vincent didn't get to utter one word in this fic, only growled when he was knocked down by that terrified cat. I'll make it up to you Vincent-lovers in another fic, okay?**


End file.
